Bacon

Crazy Lady cooked bacon! I could smell it from outside. I knew I would have to come inside to get a taste. So, I threw myself at the sliding door. But then I had to run back out to make sure the yard was still as I left it. OK, I am throwing myself at the door again. Good, here they come. And here I go. Just one more lap. OK, really, can you just let me in?

As soon as I get in, I am ready to do what is necessary for the bacon. I run to my rug. OK, I give a high five with one paw. Now do it again with the other. What else can I do - here let me turn around. How about hello. I will yell that one out several times. I hate rolling over, but I will do it for bacon.

I thought I would just do all the stupid pet tricks right up front and not make Crazy Lady run through the list herself. But I guess she wants to make me suffer. Now I am crawling. That does seem to be enjoyable for them.

That's it? That was not even enough for me to taste it. I run through the tricks on my own again. They try to get me to say "I love you". But that I cannot do even for the bacon. But I do throw myself into a crawl again. Success.

Running with Boss Man

Tonight, I get to run with Boss Man. I can just tell. I keep going in the office to check on him. When will he be ready? I am ready. I keep sighing and whining.

All you have to do is say "Do you want to go for a run?" and I am ready. But not Boss Man. He stays at the computer some more. He gets dressed, looks for a hat, looks for gloves and just wanders a bit. I have to keep following him around the house so that he remembers to take me. Sometimes I follow just so he remembers what he was going to do. It is a workout before the workout.

Now, I have to admit I may have a small medical condition when I run. I have doggie urinary incontinence. First I have to pee on my neighbors sidewalk. Then every 1/4 mile, I just get the urge to go. And when I have to go, Boss Man never pays attention and I have to hold on tight as he gets yanked. The humor of it is almost worth the medical condition.

Pooping on the hand, always in the backyard. Again, even though this is not so fun for me, I do get a kick out of the problems that can cause the humans. When we take a boat trip, they have to walk me about 47 times before I will finally be forced to give in.

I don't like the Holidays

Really. Is this fun? This can't be right. The humiliation I endure just for dry dog food.

You Can't Make Me

Really, you can't. If I want to be outside, I am going to stay outside. If I want to come in, then I am going to throw myself at the door and whine until you come get me.

I love when the humans call me in. It is one of my greatest sources of pleasure. I know what "come" and "inside" mean. Most times, they will come out to get me. I could make this last all day. I can even get close enough to nibble a bit of the treat they are tempting me with and still get away. I have such power.

"Come closer, chase me up the hill." "Come on, closer, closer." Look, now I am on the other side of the yard. It is not even like they didn't see it coming.

But today, I was tempted by the Nutella. I thought I smelled it and wanted to make sure. Crazy Lady enjoys her Nutella. I got close, but ran away. Then she walked away. I ran ahead of her and straight into the house. She got me this time. It won't happen again.

Why is there a tree in my room?

So, I have a room. All the humans have a room and I need one too. I hear the humans say I have many needs. That is not true. I just need to have space, I need to be free, and I need a room.

The humans don't respect my need for a room. When I go there to be alone, they always come talk to me and pet me. Some of them even pick me up and put me in their room. I am quite at ease with showing my displeasure. They still don't pick up on the clear signs.

Now they have put a tree in my room. And it is full of lights and noisy decorations. It is also in front of my window. They moved my chairs around to fit this tree. And they make comments about me needing medication.

All By Myself

The humans left all together yesterday. I knew I was in for it when the smallest human came down that that ridiculus curly wig on. At least I don't have to go hear all the accordian irish music that goes along with the wig.

I was alone for a long time. They did not even leave the door to the garbage ajar. I am still not fully recovered. I will come to them when they have good food.

They were so happy to see me when they came home. I don't think they understood my greeting. They smiled and laughed at my performance. I shouted every bad sound in the dog handbook, but they just thought I was happy to see them. I even jumped up on the littlest human to show my frustration. She just giggled.

This morning comes and I am all ready for my walk to the bus stop. Again, I sense trouble. We are going through the garage. That means a car ride. I really must escape. If she would have just put the window down a little bit. I am trapped here.

Humans Just Don't Understand

My favorite human came over today. I try to jump and nibble. I just love the taste of that human. But the crazy lady always grabs me. I can avoid her for a while, but I always end up on my rug. I do this everytime there is a visitor. You would think they would get it. I need to jump and talk and nibble. I tell them as loud as I can what I want to do. Humans just don't understand.

I have many needs. I need to go out. I need to come in. Wait, I really just need to stay out. No, forget it, I want to come in. Did you just open the door for me? Thanks, but I will stay out. No, don't go away. I want to come in?

What is so difficult to understand about that?

And why are all the snacks only available to those with opposable thumbs? There are times when I just want a meaty treat too. Why can the little humans go get something when they want to?

They also seem to think that I am happy to see them when they come home. I am clearly only upset that they left without me. I shout and whine and tell them all about it. There is nothing happy about what I have to say. I just don't think it is fair that they get to be free and I have to stay.