Doors

I don't like closed doors. I need to have unlimited access to any room I might have a desire to walk through. The little humans have been doing a lot of dancing to that strange accordian music. It reminds me of the dances the Irish Setters try to do. Crazy White Dogs are above that.

When the little humans do their dancing, they move a large mirror in front of the office door. And they close the door! I hate this. What if I need to get in there? What if someone needs to get out? I jump on the smallest human to show my concern. They think this is funny. So I must increase the level of intensity. I jump to talk in her ear. That causes some anger, I think I may have stepped over the line. Maybe even jumped over the line. I guess I will spend some time on my rug.

But the door is still closed. Finally they move the mirror from the door. I jump again to plead that it stay in this position. Back to the rug again.

The Black Box

I hate the new black box. It is evil. Crazy Lady gets it out all the time. It flashes a lot. I know it is sending signals to start some type of apocalypse.

These humans just can't see it. I am trying to warn them. I take down Crazy Lady when it comes out. There is no way I will sit and stay when it is flashing and organizing terror.

Happy Day

I see interesting things under the tree in my room. I hope there is something interesting there for me. Maybe I can at least get away while they are distracted by all the sparkly things.

The Leash

I used to come running right in if I saw the leash. Now I know it might be a trick. I want to go out with them, but are they just trying to get me in? But they have coats on. That is a good sign.

Then we got in the car. I put up with that because it might lead to escape. I could also get to run with other dogs. I usually like the bark parks, but I don't understand why some dogs chase balls when they could run with me.

We went to a different place today. The little humans were running! I want to run. I want to be free. Why doesn't crazy lady understand that. She is walking too slow. The little humans are getting too far ahead. My zig zag and pull doesn't seem to be getting the point across.

Oh no, now I am getting handed off to one of the little ones. Hey, she is running with me. I like it! I didn't know I had this option with this little human. What is happening? I think I am smiling. I have to make sure to stop that as soon as we get back in the car.

Bacon

Crazy Lady cooked bacon! I could smell it from outside. I knew I would have to come inside to get a taste. So, I threw myself at the sliding door. But then I had to run back out to make sure the yard was still as I left it. OK, I am throwing myself at the door again. Good, here they come. And here I go. Just one more lap. OK, really, can you just let me in?

As soon as I get in, I am ready to do what is necessary for the bacon. I run to my rug. OK, I give a high five with one paw. Now do it again with the other. What else can I do - here let me turn around. How about hello. I will yell that one out several times. I hate rolling over, but I will do it for bacon.

I thought I would just do all the stupid pet tricks right up front and not make Crazy Lady run through the list herself. But I guess she wants to make me suffer. Now I am crawling. That does seem to be enjoyable for them.

That's it? That was not even enough for me to taste it. I run through the tricks on my own again. They try to get me to say "I love you". But that I cannot do even for the bacon. But I do throw myself into a crawl again. Success.

Running with Boss Man

Tonight, I get to run with Boss Man. I can just tell. I keep going in the office to check on him. When will he be ready? I am ready. I keep sighing and whining.

All you have to do is say "Do you want to go for a run?" and I am ready. But not Boss Man. He stays at the computer some more. He gets dressed, looks for a hat, looks for gloves and just wanders a bit. I have to keep following him around the house so that he remembers to take me. Sometimes I follow just so he remembers what he was going to do. It is a workout before the workout.

Now, I have to admit I may have a small medical condition when I run. I have doggie urinary incontinence. First I have to pee on my neighbors sidewalk. Then every 1/4 mile, I just get the urge to go. And when I have to go, Boss Man never pays attention and I have to hold on tight as he gets yanked. The humor of it is almost worth the medical condition.

Pooping on the hand, always in the backyard. Again, even though this is not so fun for me, I do get a kick out of the problems that can cause the humans. When we take a boat trip, they have to walk me about 47 times before I will finally be forced to give in.

I don't like the Holidays

Really. Is this fun? This can't be right. The humiliation I endure just for dry dog food.

You Can't Make Me

Really, you can't. If I want to be outside, I am going to stay outside. If I want to come in, then I am going to throw myself at the door and whine until you come get me.

I love when the humans call me in. It is one of my greatest sources of pleasure. I know what "come" and "inside" mean. Most times, they will come out to get me. I could make this last all day. I can even get close enough to nibble a bit of the treat they are tempting me with and still get away. I have such power.

"Come closer, chase me up the hill." "Come on, closer, closer." Look, now I am on the other side of the yard. It is not even like they didn't see it coming.

But today, I was tempted by the Nutella. I thought I smelled it and wanted to make sure. Crazy Lady enjoys her Nutella. I got close, but ran away. Then she walked away. I ran ahead of her and straight into the house. She got me this time. It won't happen again.

Why is there a tree in my room?

So, I have a room. All the humans have a room and I need one too. I hear the humans say I have many needs. That is not true. I just need to have space, I need to be free, and I need a room.

The humans don't respect my need for a room. When I go there to be alone, they always come talk to me and pet me. Some of them even pick me up and put me in their room. I am quite at ease with showing my displeasure. They still don't pick up on the clear signs.

Now they have put a tree in my room. And it is full of lights and noisy decorations. It is also in front of my window. They moved my chairs around to fit this tree. And they make comments about me needing medication.

All By Myself

The humans left all together yesterday. I knew I was in for it when the smallest human came down that that ridiculus curly wig on. At least I don't have to go hear all the accordian irish music that goes along with the wig.

I was alone for a long time. They did not even leave the door to the garbage ajar. I am still not fully recovered. I will come to them when they have good food.

They were so happy to see me when they came home. I don't think they understood my greeting. They smiled and laughed at my performance. I shouted every bad sound in the dog handbook, but they just thought I was happy to see them. I even jumped up on the littlest human to show my frustration. She just giggled.

This morning comes and I am all ready for my walk to the bus stop. Again, I sense trouble. We are going through the garage. That means a car ride. I really must escape. If she would have just put the window down a little bit. I am trapped here.

Humans Just Don't Understand

My favorite human came over today. I try to jump and nibble. I just love the taste of that human. But the crazy lady always grabs me. I can avoid her for a while, but I always end up on my rug. I do this everytime there is a visitor. You would think they would get it. I need to jump and talk and nibble. I tell them as loud as I can what I want to do. Humans just don't understand.

I have many needs. I need to go out. I need to come in. Wait, I really just need to stay out. No, forget it, I want to come in. Did you just open the door for me? Thanks, but I will stay out. No, don't go away. I want to come in?

What is so difficult to understand about that?

And why are all the snacks only available to those with opposable thumbs? There are times when I just want a meaty treat too. Why can the little humans go get something when they want to?

They also seem to think that I am happy to see them when they come home. I am clearly only upset that they left without me. I shout and whine and tell them all about it. There is nothing happy about what I have to say. I just don't think it is fair that they get to be free and I have to stay.

For the Love of Turkey

The humans know my weakness for food. They seem to have such joy from my humiliation. I try so hard to show my displeasure at having to do tricks. But they have ignored my pleas and decided to add a new one.

I get the "crawl" command. I really don't know what it means, but they expect me to figure it out. The humans sit in front of me and tell me "down". Then they put the turkey goodness out and say "crawl". At first, they also said "here" - so I got up and came there. But that did not get me the turkey. I had to go back and try again.

I tried throwing myself into a "roll over". But that wasn't it either. Finally, I stay low and stealth-like to see if I can just take the turkey. Amazingly that is what they were looking for. Now I know that "crawl" means "back legs push, butt in the air, slide on your shoulder" for food. Since it is close to rolling over, I add the grumbling and teeth.

They got that flashy thing out again when I was performing for them. I don't like that thing. I think it might be the evil device that starts the pounding and flashing in the rain.

Yesterday must have been my birthday

What a day. So, it is Thursday (remember, I know the days of the week) and usually Bossman gets up and goes through his routine prior to the abandonment. Today was different. He didn’t get up at 6:45. I began my typical morning routine of sprinting outside to chase the black birds, begging to come in, deciding to stay out, breakfast, and couch time. Then all of a sudden I started smelling all these great smells from the kitchen. The crazy lady is cooking. In the morning! She doesn't even do that much at night.

At lunchtime, Bossman gets up from the computer and says those 5 great words. “Do you want to go for a run?” (OK, I can't count.) This is one of my favorite activities with Bossman. He’s slow so it gives me time to find great smells. Sometimes when I get a whiff of a great bouquet, I will stop real fast and watch Bossman get yanked backwards. Always funny. I should post that on America’s Funniest Videos. (Tom Bergeron, call me.)

When we get back from the run, there is large bird in a pot coming out of the cold box. That thing looks delicious. This family rarely has that much meat around. And they think I am nuts. I park my self in the kitchen looking for any weakness in the meat protection plan. They were too good for me today. Once that bird goes in the hot box, boy does this house smell good!

So far this has been a great start to the day but it only gets better. My favorite family in the whole world comes over for a visit. I am trying telling them all about my great day, but Bossman and crazy lady keep telling me to go to my rug. Go lie on your own rug. I just want to know where’s Stanley and “mini me” (Lulu) are and please can I nibble on you just a little.

Everyone gets to eat while I wait patiently for my food. Remember its my birthday! (I don’t really know but this has to be it). Then the moment comes for my food. There goes Crazy Lady to the garage to get the food. I go with her to double check the preparations. Hills Science Diet. (I can read). Then guess what. Bossman calls over and says my new 5 favorite words “Do you want some turkey”? Meat Meat MEAT MEAT. What do you want me to do for that meat? I say my best “HELLO” and run through all my other tricks for good measure. Then he puts some meat in my bowl. Three gulps and I am done with dinner. That was good.

And, she is off...

The morning started out very normal. I lulled my humans into a false sense of security. They have no idea that I know the days of the week. They try to get out of the house in the morning without me on Fridays. I am going to make a break for it.

It worked so well. They really aren't that smart. I waited until they opened the house door to go into the garage for shoes. (And why do they need these things. You don't see me putting on shoes to go outside.) I quiety snuck behind them to hide in the garage. I stayed behind the van to be completely out of sight.

The garage door opened and I had my out. I ran for it - they didn't even see me! But the neighbors were out for school too. It distracted me - darn my desperate need to socialize. I ran to them, but caught myself just in time. I made a quick turn and sprinted down the hill. I heard my older, rounder human tell someone that she just saw a white streak going down the hill. I still got it.

I was free! I love being free. If it were not for the food that the humans give me, I would probably stay free. There is no way to catch me. I am too fast and sneaky. The round human chased me in the car. There were even other humans from the neighborhood out to get me. I guess everyone knows me from my frequent trips around the neighborhood.

Still, I was drawn to all the humans. I wanted to run to them so bad. I did get so close, but I could see their hands reaching down to grab me. And then I was off in the other direction. Oh, but then there was a dog. It is a good thing I have practiced evasive maneauvers. I was able to greet the dog so many times and still get away. But no, now there is a little human. I had to get to her. I let her get close enough to touch me, but my craftiness and speed was just too much.

In the end, I was done in by me desire to say hello. I knew the hand was coming, but I needed that pet. I was back in the car, but so much more happy than I was before.

Theme Song

Does that make me crazy, probably.

The Shower

It is not getting any better here. I slept in the shower last night. Why don't these humans feel the destruction about to begin. It is still rumbling and blowing outside and then last night the humans tried to get me to say "I love Tom Bergeron".

The Bunker

I have been very on edge the past week. I heard the humans call the noises "a storm", but I am still positive that there is trouble brewing. I don't know who to trust. Could my humans be involved in a secret plot against me? I don't like the wet outside, but I am not sure I should come in. I think I need to find a way out.

I have at least prepared a small area to hide out.

Crazy Lady

There is a crazy lady in my house. She always wants to kiss and pet me. I really don't like all that mushy stuff. But the next minute she is chasing me and flipping me upside down. I am getting great at evasive manuevers.

The smaller humans in the house seem to really like this lady. They hug her a lot. I have heard her say, "please let me breath my own air". Are you kidding me? She is just getting some of her own medicine.

A few nights ago, there was some loud booms, wind, and craziness happening outside. I tried to sleep in the shower. The humans seem to be at ease with the obvious signs of distress outside. They even want me to go outside. I did make a bunker out there just in case.

I Am Crazy

My name is Sunshine. But I also go by Crazy White Dog. When I go for walks, people stop my humans to admire me. In enjoy the attention. They usually ask what type of dog I am. The answer is always - Crazy White Dog. I have to admit that it does suit me.

I was alone for the beginning of my life in Arkansas. A kind human saw my picture and rescued me. Being the extrovert that I am, I loved the trucker’s network that brought me to Seattle and my current home. I can tell that my humans would like me to be a 45 pound lap dog, but I just can not do that. I am a mover, not a cuddler.

I try to play with the birds. I run around all corners of my yard to try to see dogs in the other yards. But there is one one path I follow. I must follow it at all times. I am proud of how nicely it is now marked.

My favorite thing to do is run full speed at the sliding door to show my great desire to come inside. I might scratch at the screen door for added effect. As soon as they open the door I sprint away. It never gets old.

I hear my human’s say that I’m overly social. I just have an overwhelming need to grab everyone and bring them down to my level. It would probably would not be as problematic without my run and jump approach. I do know how to sit & stay, but why would I do that when I am faster than everyone?